At your convenience: urinals as art

The Dutch-designed urinal ‘Kisses!’ resembles an open mouth and is a little vulgar to be installed at home

. . . and a partridge in a 2CV

I usually find the whole exercise rather boring, and am particularly irritated by contrived screams of ‘wow’

And on the menu today . . . ear plugs

I always choose to eat at restaurants that have carpets so I can hear myself think and have a reasonable conversation

Why I watch ‘The X Factor’

It is inexplicably hypnotic and has become a mindless passive pastime when I am not reading Ovid

Americans and the ‘Downton’ factor

Most of Manhattan ground to a halt whenever a new episode of ‘Brideshead Revisited’ was broadcast

Modern technology leaves me app-solutely baffled

I have resisted the iPhone because my fat fingers can’t cope with the lettering on a touchscreen

Highly exercised about gyms

At a cocktail party: spit out olive stones into your palm, and then circulate the room with happy swinging arms

Best of 2014 - Where are the best car designers?

The Japanese don’t, alas, have a clue about the design of the body. But they are supreme at gadgets

Best keep it pure and symbol in the home

What was in the study? Framed instructions on Masonic handshakes? Nooses dangling from the ceiling?

No need to be sniffy about drug confessions

Taking cocaine is no more illegal in the lavatories at Buckingham Palace than, say, a tiny loo in Clapham

Ridiculous Rollers and other car design ‘atrocities’

Whoever led the charge in reinventing the Ghost and Mulsanne today ought to have some elementary lessons on elegance

How to make no excuses and leave

If you want to pile it on a bit, contrive a couple of choking coughs or a distinct limp as you rise from your seat

What’s best for impatient patients

There is nothing worse in a doctor’s waiting room than being ogled at by others trying to second-guess one’s infirmities

The sadness of modern family homes

Soon babies will be born with a crooked neck and the nimblest of fingers

Cigarettes v alcohol: Part 2

The intrinsic arguments against smoking are not at all insulated from the inevitable complexities of life

Occupational joke therapy

Chairman Mao’s full name, Mao Tse-tung, is, incredibly, an anagram of ‘mangetouts’

How to greet one’s wife

Germans have a specific term for a gift presented to one’s wife as an apology for being out late – ‘dragon fodder’

Superstition and doorstep surprises

I opened the door to greet the ambassador only to realise I’d forgotten to unclip my big pink curler

Mega-rich memories

During the glorious summer evenings, we would serve plonk and Walkers crisps half an hour before the concert

Best of 2014 - What to hang over a fireplace

I have a great variety of flick knives . . . I think it suggests masculine street cred

ABOUT DAVID

David TangDavid Tang, the FT's Agony Uncle, answers readers' questions about property, interiors, architecture and gardens although he often strays beyond his remit to debate concerns about everything from etiquette to grammar.

Tang is the entrepreneur who founded China Tang and iCorrect, and he has homes principally in Hong Kong, mainland China, London and Essex .

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