What not to wear in a job interview

Look tidy, but your clothes ought to be somewhat worn. Never put on anything fancy, unless you are auditioning to be a clown.

What to wear at the races

My father never smiled more than when he had a winner, especially Fat Choy, a horse that was blind in one eye

Why I never drank

I often wonder how these diehard Maotai guzzlers would fare against those pot-bellied dart enthusiasts

My view on Donald Trump

He has the worst taste in the world, which means he will promote ghastliness and insipidity

Dangers of guessing Mr, Mrs or Ms

The brilliant surgeon who replaced my hip was a man at one time, but chose to become a woman subsequently

Nobel Prize winner and Olympic medallist?

Danish scientist Niels Bohr was awarded the Physics Prize in 1922 but he was also an accomplished football player

Want to live longer? Move into a basement

People living lower down will outlive those in the penthouse — but only by a few billionths of a second over the course of 80 years

Is this London’s noisiest restaurant?

The venue is not dissimilar in terms of decibel levels from the Madonna concert I braved last week

Thank-you letters? Thanks but no thanks

We must always take some care in crafting our verbal gratitude, otherwise we are doing something merely perfunctory

The best (and worst) outdoor sculptures

Stonehenge was bought by Sir Cecil Chubb in 1915 for £6,600 as a gift for his wife. Apparently she didn’t like it

Welcome to the worst day of my life

It would begin with me waking up in a room full of empty cans and full ashtrays after a party somewhere in the Midlands

Did you solve my conundrum?

It has driven people completely mad. I have had telephone calls in the middle of the night from friends offering me their solutions

How to react to a friend’s new facelift

My view is that plastic surgery should never have gone beyond its original invention as a means to rectify traumatic injuries

How to deal with noisy theatregoers

‘If that doesn’t work then bring out your extended selfie stick and protrude it in front of the noisy offenders’

How I would spend my perfect day

From waking up with Julie Christie (just kidding) to lunch in Venice, a cigar in Havana and dinner with Einstein

Butler sought, humans need not apply

Even for Zuckerberg, replicating that unflappable poise will be a daunting challenge

The secret to flying in economy class

Allow me to let you in on a procedure that involves a series of imperceptible moves performed with total stealth

The day Kate Moss and I got tattooed

I didn’t want to appear a weed and ended up with a boring black square, as I was doing a crossword at the time

A grumpy old man? Me?

There are no excuses for half-witted sales staff, egotistical Dorian Grays, or nauseating ‘brand-builders’

Why it’s acceptable to eat in public

I often like eating a Cornish pasty on a railway station bench with the wife. It’s very romantic

ABOUT DAVID

David TangDavid Tang, the FT's Agony Uncle, answers readers' questions about property, interiors, architecture and gardens although he often strays beyond his remit to debate concerns about everything from etiquette to grammar.

Tang is the entrepreneur who founded China Tang and iCorrect, and he has homes principally in Hong Kong, mainland China, London and Essex .

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