Lift your game, House of Windsor

Illustration by Lucas Varela of Queen Elizabeth
©Lucas Varela

‘We’ve gone from “Game of Thrones” to Lame as Clones. Do you realise we haven’t even had a decent beheading since 1697?’

©Lucas Varela

Re-evaluating my goals

‘We are part of a social underclass, too tribal or emotionally stunted to break free from loser soccer teams’

Illustration by Lucas Varela of a cyclist
©Lucas Varela

Two wheels bad. Please take train

‘Cycle-safety training is a good idea although nothing can prepare an 11-year-old for the wanton carelessness of motorists’

The muppet show – live from London

David Cameron’s description of two political opponents as ‘muppets’ is a risky strategy

An illustration of a sports car
©Lucas Varela

Porsche pensioners and the road to ruin

‘How would you rather leave this world – being starved to death on the Liverpool Care Pathway or speeding into the sunset with 700bhp at your feet?’

Licence evaders should not face charge

This is a crime only because the BBC has yet to find a way to block free viewing

Case studies in conscious coupling

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s intention to ‘consciously uncouple’ strikes chords elsewhere

Illustration by Lucas Varela of communication satellite
©Lucas Varela

So nice not to see you again

‘The very technology that enabled renewed contact has also rendered it unnecessary to meet in person’

Tony Benn, former Labour MP for Chesterfield, at his home in Notting Hill in 2003
©Charlie Bibby

Tony Benn: Rebel who made a firm imprint

Labour politician and champion of the left, 1925-2014

Illustration by Lucas Varela of rude service in a restaurant
©Lucas Varela

Service with a scowl

‘London’s rudest restaurant is a badge of distinction – an opportunity to rise above the crowd’

The betrayal theory of immigration

The enemy within or the enemy without: Do you or have you ever employed a foreigner?

Feeling the strain of English on a train

‘The whole point of being English on a train is not speaking at all’

Putin putting Europe in its place

How the situation in Ukraine may appear if viewed through the Russian leader’s eyes

Searching for a Scottish plan B

If Scotland becomes independent and can’t share the pound it needs to find an alternative

What to study – Juvenal or JavaScript?

‘I hope schools can still find room for Latin and Greek but the best hope lies in their not being forced to compete with technology’

Barclays submerged by bonus floods

The British bank is engulfed in overflowing pools of cash that have cut it off from shareholders

Harry, Hermione and the midlife crisis

‘A story for the Potter generation as it hits midlife . . .The terrors remain, but now they are boredom and disease’

Facebook: an alternative timeline

Friending, unfriending, privacy and profits – the first 10 years of the social network

How do you solve a problem like ... flooding?

‘Without urgent infrastructure upgrades to safeguard our musical heritage, we may be the last generation to worry about losing The Sound of Music’

Give that Stonyhurst couple a gold

‘It may say something about today’s box-ticking entry process that kids must now resort to such extreme measures as elopement just to stand out’


Robert Shrimsley Robert Shrimsley is the Managing Editor of Before this he has served as the FT’s chief political correspondent and news editor.

He writes weekly for the Notebook column, a satirical look at the week’s news and for the FT weekend Magazine.

E-mail Robert Shrimsley

To receive an email alert for Robert Shrimsley, sign up at the top of any his columns.