‘I cannot think of anything better than a proliferation of coffee shops over tedious pubs’

‘The moment I was wheeled in, I knew this was nothing like my preconception of an A&E department’

‘It is English-speaking and the standard of Chinese food is excellent, unlike other European capitals’

‘It’s delightful to pretend that one has a 300-acre estate in the middle of London’

‘In Pyongyang, Kim Jong Un’s tailor cut me a ‘Kim’ suit: medium brown in colour with slightly flared trousers’

‘Your acquaintance is probably using it as a term of endearment — but at your age why are you bothered what you are called’

The doors are too heavy, you can’t change a flat tyre, and it makes you appear either devious or paranoid

China regards the handover from Britain two decades ago as an unalloyed success

‘Was this stratospherically powerful man really making small talk about Chinese food and jackets?’

‘When asked a binary question, a politician’s answer should be “yes” or “no”, a practice that is beyond 99.99% of them’

Just remember: if you ever decide to remonstrate with a cabbie, make sure you can run just slightly faster than him

‘Board members have had it too good for too long . . . let’s “out” them from their snug seats of complacency’

‘Sometimes, especially in Asia, variations of the tapering consist of an origami butterfly or pyramid. All of which are irritating’

‘If your father is indifferent to music, he might as well hang a horn, trombone, trumpet and tuba on his wall’

‘Some credit cigar bands to Catherine the Great in Russia who wanted to avoid tobacco stains on her fingers or gloves’

Only one of the locks on my suitcase is broken, but the company says it must replace both. Here is part of our email exchange

‘Shoeshining requires a great deal of training, not to mention supreme diligence and pride’

At school I was erroneously put off Latin, but I was mesmerised by the classical Greek legends

‘The man is supposed to take the rap by walking on the kerb side. I try to practise this courtesy to women, unless they irritate me’

‘I must confess that whenever I check on a lulling silence, it is always 20 to or 20 past the hour’

‘Of course, I don’t wear high heels, but I can easily imagine the discomfort if worn for several hours on the trot’

‘Maybe Merkel should wait until Trump visits Germany and she could withdraw her hand just as he stretches out his’

‘The officer asked if I’d been drinking. I confessed I’d had a couple of Pimm’s, a few glasses of white wine and a double shot of cognac’

‘The best time to talk to your fiancé about a prenup is when he is brushing his teeth, which minimises his ability to speak’