Stand-up poetry collective Bang Said the Gun © Bang Said the Gun

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These days we board tube trains with brave faces,
make phone calls to each other on lunch breaks.
I tell you I’m gonna cook us a nice meal tonight,
a rescue remedy stew scenario, some sort of stodge.
I’ll cook the veg until soft, then I’ll add salt, pepper,
a big dollop of butter, thank you Jamie Oliver. Done.
I ask a bloke with gelled ginger hair and orange fleece,
he’s reducing bags of broccoli by the fridge.
“Excuse me, can you help me? I’m looking for carrots.”
He tells me they haven’t got any.
It’s when he suggests parsnips.
“In the nicest possible way, that’s not the same,” I say.
I look and see that they sell star anise –
“HOW THE HELL CAN YOU POSSIBLY HAVE STAR ANISE
AND NO SODDING CARROTS?”
I’ve lost it in the veg aisle.

Laurie Bolger will be performing with poetry collective Bang Said the Gun at Leicester Square Theatre, London, on October 13. Tickets and details of other UK performances at bangsaidthegun.com

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