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Phew, we’ve been busy! It looks like my administration has been doing a million things at once – but I promise we’re in control. Today I want to explain to you my vision of the future. First, let’s agree blame for this meltdown lies equally with Wall Street, Washington and Main Street. But mostly Wall Street. Now I hate those rich guys as much as you do, but banks tell me they are important to the economy because of the multiplier. So they are too big to fail. And we can’t nationalise them because that hurts confidence.

How is America to recover? In the short term, we’re going to give you some demand and you must spend it – please. Again there are some out there who reckon we’re being reckless with our country’s finances. To them I answer that 100 per cent of my economists agree that governments should not cut back spending during a recession. Besides, I inherited most of the deficit and the stimulus bill is tiny compared with excesses in defence and entitlements (such as health) and general waste across government. Let me be straight: we will spend and save at the same time.

Longer term, I have a vision of America atop five pillars driven into solid rock. Each pillar will help create the Next American Century. First, the finance industry must be forced to circumvent 21st century regulations, not the outdated rules that allowed this crisis in the first place. The second pillar is education: I’m afraid you all have to go back to school to study engineering for at least a year. Third, my administration intends to rush headfirst towards renewable energy, irrespective of cost. Fourth, we will reform healthcare where all others have failed. Our final pillar is a solid promise to restore fiscal discipline some time in the future. And don’t try to stop me, Congress. God Bless America.

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