Billions of Blistering Barnacles

The tale of a Californian electric car company with larger than life ambitions, run by a man with thinner-than-paper skin

© Ingram Pinn/Financial Times
Tesla aims to produce 500,000 cars, or 72 per cent of stated capacity

But in upside-down markets, anything is bullish.

Tesla: no comment

And we thought it was just because we were special.

FT Alphaville takes a Tesla out for a spin

We channel our inner Top Gear around the curvy roads of Southern England in this new FT Video.

Tesla’s cash to be collected: redux

CFO Zachary Kirkhorn provides some welcome colour, alongside some mystery.

Congratulations Elon, you’ve earned it

When an option payout is larger than aggregate profits.

Elon, u ok hun?

“I am selling almost all physical possessions. Will own no house.”

More from this Series

Tesla: taking a step back

On the impossibility of future earnings.

Elon Musk the insurer

How to save on costs, and pay premiums to your dear leader.

Tesla’s coronavirus ‘competitive advantage’

Credit Suisse avoids the hard data.

Elon Musk promised ventilators. These are BPAP machines.

Which cost, oh, just about one-sixtieth of the price. 

Elon doesn’t get it 

Elon Musk doesn’t seem to be quite managing to grasp the seriousness of Covid-19. 

Tesla’s quarter-end push has a pandemic problem

On the issue of heroism.

Elon Musk’s SolarCity suit deposition: the highlights Premium

“You just want to waste everyone’s time and be a blight on the economy.”

Tesla’s sufficient management

FUD as a risk factor.

Tesla and the question of change

Apart from the share price, what’s new?

Tesla and the number 500,000, again

The Lord Elon, he loves that half-million. 

Mamma Mia...

Elon, you’re a star.

The question of Tesla’s cash to be collected

Is David Einhorn right to be suspicious about the company’s accounts receivable?

Elon versus the evil shorties

And a tale of a Japanese pension fund.

Mad Man breaks window

Unmitigated launch disaster or genius publicity stunt?

Tesla’s mysterious income

A look at some FX related gains.

Tesla/ Germany: 'glorious success' or Schnapsidee?

Musk’s mooted German factory will face a host of local challenges. 

Tesla: Rorschach test

It’s all about perspective, man.

Tesla, meet wall

Smart Summon doesn’t seem that smart.

The great Tesla solar roof distraction

That time Musk illuminated the dusk on a movie set at Universal Studios and implied he did it with functional integrated solar roof tiles....

Volkswagen/Tesla: errr

Rumors of a takeover gallop over the Teutonic plains.

Walmart sues Tesla over dodgy solar service

“Tesla had engaged in widespread, systemic negligence.”

Tesla’s fake buyout, one year on

Funding was not secured.

Tesla’s second quarter, charted

Three things which caught our eye.

Tesla’s latest security offering: cars

Musk doubles down on “appreciating asset” line.

FT Alphaville ordered a Tesla Model 3

Because, why not?

Tesla executives aren't sticking around for a record quarter

Three more leave in the space of five working days.

Tesla: significant other

An update on the $566m of convertible bonds due November.

Tesla strikes out on its own

A battery buyer becomes a potential battery supplier.

The curious blocking of elonmusk.today

Alphaville investigates a minor mystery.

ARK Invest's effective Tesla model

When maths becomes marketing.

Finally, a Tesla Model 3 for $39,900

The electric car company comes clean.

Tesla’s shifting capital raise narrative

How $2.4bn went from ‘contingency fund’ to being potentially burnt through in 10 months

Tesla returns to the capital markets

$642m in equity and $1.35bn in converts.

Three questions about Tesla's first quarter results

A few thoughts on receivables, capital expenditure and inventory.

The Tesla Twitter war, charted

Ding Ding.

Autonomy Day brings flat cash flow expectations to Tesla

And cars with a net present value of $200,000.

Tesla and Panasonic hold fire on the Gigafactory

Growth story continues to judder.

Tesla's dire deliveries

What do you call a growth company that stops growing?

Elon Musk reveals his favourite cryptocurrency

And it's... Dogecoin, obvz. Elon's all about the lulz.

Why Tesla is a great place to work

...if you're a non-employee director.

Tesla's parallel universes

'Quantum cosmology may be needed to reconcile Tesla written guidance' - Barclays

Tesla's number one retail investor begins to doubt himself

And then doesn't. Sort of.

Tesla's war against whistleblower Martin Tripp

“Death is the solution to all problems. No man, no problem” - Stalin

The Tesla semi-truck is ready to reserve [UPDATED]

And it's been ready-to-reserve since 2017.

Tesla: “Surprise! You may not be fired"

Alphaville no longer has any idea what's going on.

German watchdog slaps down Tesla's pricing practices

Also, some notable changes to the Full Self Driving spiel.

How much does Tesla have in the bank?

A deep dive into the green energy giant's cash balance. Warning: contains many assumptions.

Meanwhile, just past midnight on the West Coast...

Elon Musk becomes Elon Tusk, not a relation of Donald.

Stuff Elon says, SEC compliance edition

Mr Musk lands in hot water with the 'Shortseller Enrichment Comission' (SEC).

Tesla's profitability: how every little helped [Update]

How to move the needle on gross margins, without doing anything at all.

Stuff Elon says, (inevitable) bitcoin edition

“Paper money is going away and crypto is a far better way to transfer value.”

If it has to be said out loud...(Tesla edition, part deux)

Tesla's general counsel resigns after two months on the job, for pastures familiar.

Finally, a Tesla Model 3 for $35,000*

*lol only joking.

Stuff Elon says
All the better to share you with
A message from the dear leader to the stakhanovites
Tesla's Q3, the mea culpa
Missing: Tesla's full self-driving option
Tesla's full self driving: compare and contrast
Meanwhile, at 1.22am on the West Coast....
The SEC vs Elon Musk [Updated]
Tesla needs cash, says Morgan Stanley
Calling all suburban Bond villains
If it has to be said out loud... (Tesla edition)
Tesla: ladies, liquor and leverage
Taking Tesla private
Change of control: How would Tesla's creditors fare in a LoLBO?
Tesla going private? We have questions...
Tesla: a strange case of credits [Update]
Je suis Montana Skeptic, part deux
Je suis Montana Skeptic [Update]
Just how many dimensions of chess is Elon Musk playing?
A brief history of Tesla and the number 500,000
About that Tesla short squeeze...
Tesla: debt deterioration meets equity exuberance
Selling an unintelligible dream at Tesla (an update)
Elon Musk plays to human fantasy, and the world plays along
Raise eyebrows one day, and liquidity buffers the next
“Great quarter guys!”
Elon's plea, an interpretation