I am so stupid it’s hard to describe. But I’ll try. About 20 years ago I walked into a 7-Eleven store at about two in the morning with some friends, and as a joke yelled: “Everyone down. This is a robbery.”

Please, if you ever take my advice about anything I write in this column – do not do that. It’s not funny. I can say this from experience because nobody laughed. In fact, nobody in the store made any sound after I said that. In comedian terminology, I “died”. It wasn’t funny. It was just crazy.