As I placed the ball to take a corner-kick in Barcelona’s Nou Camp stadium, the grass was so thick, green and perfect that for someone who had spent his life on sandy park pitches, it was actually funny. Glancing up towards the goalmouth before kicking, I suddenly took in the towering stands opposite. The Nou Camp has 99,000 seats. It was a very theatrical moment: as a player here, you are aware of yourself as an actor.

Tragically, none of this happened during an actual soccer game. For three days last month I was let off my leash inside the club. So here is a briefing for Manchester United before they visit Barcelona for next Wednesday’s Champions League semi-final, possibly the match of this season: