Sometimes a country is so lacking in skills that it needs to fly in foreign experts. England’s new football manager, the Italian Fabio Capello, is this kind of overpaid consultant, arriving in business class to tell the natives what to do. His own country are world champions. England, starting with their game against Switzerland on February 6, need to ditch their moronic brand of football. Here are some Italian virtues Capello will impart. All are familiar to any Italian who has ever played parish football, but not to England’s best players:

A game lasts 90 minutes. Habitually English footballers charge out of the gate, run around like lunatics, and get tired well before the match is over, even if they aren’t hungover.