Who to vote for? The answer is "everyone" if, like me, you acquired a lucky bag of blank postal votes from a pub spiv in exchange for a Stella and a packet of cheroots. I'm backing Labour in West Dorset, the Tories in Braintree and the Lib Dems in Oldham. After a late night stuffing envelopes, I might even have swung Tony Blair's Sedgefield constituency for the Monster Raving Loonies.

My eclecticism reflects indecision. Vote Labour and spend 42 per cent of GDP on public services? Or Conservative and spend 40 per cent? Oh, the agony of choice!