As is well known, speculators are clearly responsible for high commodities prices. All of them are using the high profits from their market manipulation to buy yet more gold chains and magnums of champagne, though not for their long-divorced, betrayed spouses.

Fortunately, the tribunes of the people are out to stop them. Of course, neither the public's representatives nor we are attacking the innocent hedgers, who, unlike the speculators, are only seeking to protect themselves against volatility and risk of loss. They have done no wrong.