And there I was blithely thinking that the “obesity epidemic” was merely a UK problem. But now it turns out to be far more serious. For according to Alan Johnson, the health secretary: “We are facing a potential crisis on the scale of climate change.”

Strewth. Mr Johnson himself, one hears, is soon to stand down from the cabinet to concentrate on his new film An Inconvenient Burger, with which he hopes to raise world consciousness. It will be followed by a global Lithe Aid concert and calls for a 35 per cent cut in KFCs by 2020. Even as we sit here, the BBC’s David Shukman is doubtless tracking a giant ice-bun, seven miles wide, which has detached itself from the Arctic shelf and is heading for the UK. Or perhaps he is in the bakery section at Tesco: “Once these aisles were full of cake . . . now they are empty.”