The man thinks he has reached his goal when the woman surrenders to him, while the woman thinks she will never reach her goal unless the man appreciates what she has given him.

Honore de Balzac

Sadeem’s legs could barely carry her as she nervously entered the living room with her father where Waleed Al-Shary was waiting. She refrained from extending her arm to him to shake hands, remembering that Gamrah’s mother had warned her not ever to shake Rashid’s hand when he came to see her during the elro’yah elshariya. Waleed stood up respectfully to greet them, then sat down again after she and her father were seated. Her father then started asking him questions that seemed random to her and which she found difficult to concentrate on. After a few minutes, her father left the room, allowing Sadeem and Waleed to talk freely and get to know each other.

Sadeem noticed Waleed’s interest in her appearance from the way he looked at her the minute she walked in. Although she hadn’t raised her head for long, she had seen him looking at her body and it made her so self-conscious she had almost stumbled. Little by little, and with Waleed’s help, Sadeem managed to overcome her nervousness and shyness.

He asked her about her studies at college, her plans for the future, her hobbies.

He asked: “What about you? Don’t you want to tell me anything? Or ask me something?”

After thinking a while, she replied: “I want to tell you that I wear glasses.” He laughed, and she laughed along with him.

Then he tried to provoke her: “By the way, Sadeem, my job demands a lot of travelling abroad.” Sadeem raised an eyebrow, as if challenged, and then answered: “That’s not a problem. I love to travel!”

He admired her wit and cheeky answers, and she bowed her head after her face blushed fiercely. She felt she would have to learn to control her tongue or else the groom would run away! She was saved by the return of her father a few minutes later which gave her the opportunity to excuse herself and leave. She gave Waleed a big smile on her way out; he returned it with an even bigger one. She left the room with a heart full of butterflies.

She thought Waleed was a very handsome man, although he wasn’t her favourite type. She preferred tanned skin; Waleed’s complexion was fair with a pinkish hue. His light moustache with the goatee and the silver wire frames of his small spectacles added to the attraction.

After Sadeem left the room, Waleed asked her father for permission to phone her so that they could get to know each other better before announcing their marriage. Her father agreed and gave Waleed her mobile number.

Waleed called late that night. Sadeem hesitated before answering. He began by saying how much he admired her. He would talk a little, and then remain silent for a short while, as if expecting her to respond. She told him she was happy to meet him, but said no more. Then he told her that she had bewitched him and he couldn’t wait till Eid Al Fitr to marry her.

After that, Waleed called her dozens of times a day, the first being the minute he woke up, the last a long conversation before bed, sometimes stretching through to the dawn. He even phoned and woke her so that she could listen to a song he had requested for her on the radio. And every day he asked her to go to various shops and choose something, such as a watch or perfume or glasses, for him to buy later so that everything he wore would be to her liking.

The other girls began to envy Sadeem. Especially Gamrah, who always felt sorry for herself when Sadeem told her how much she loved Waleed, and how he adored her in return. Gamrah started making up stories about how happy she was with Rashid, what Rashid did and what Rashid bought for her.

Soon the marriage of Waleed and Sadeem became official. Sadeem’s aunt cried during the milkah as she thought of her sister - Sadeem’s mother - who died when Sadeem was still a young girl. She also cried secretly for her son, Tariq, whom she had hoped would marry Sadeem.

During the official proceedings Sadeem had asked to be allowed to sign the marriage book, but the families insisted she stamp it with her fingerprint. “My girl, just stamp your print,” her aunt told her. “The sheikh says she shouldn’t sign. Only men sign.”

Afterwards, Sadeem’s father threw a grand banquet. Waleed came the following evening to meet his bride whom he hadn’t seen since the elro’yah elshariya. For her milkah gift, he bought her the latest mobile phone.

During the next few weeks, Waleed’s visits became more frequent, most of them made with her father’s knowledge, though a few were without. He usually came after isha prayer and would not leave before 2am. At weekends his visits would last till dawn. Every couple of weeks or so he would invite her out for dinner at a classy restaurant. On other evenings he would bring along dishes or desserts that she loved. They spent their time talking and laughing, or watching a movie he had borrowed from one of his friends or she from one of hers.

Then things began to develop and one night she tasted her first kiss. Waleed was used to kissing her cheeks when saying hello or goodbye. But one night his parting was hotter than before. Maybe the movie they watched together helped create the right atmosphere for him to plant a long kiss on her virgin lips.

At about this time Sadeem started preparing for the wedding, browsing the shops with Um Nuwayyer, or Michelle, or Lamees. Even Waleed would accompany her at times, especially when she was shopping for evening gowns.

The wedding date was set for the summer vacation. Sadeem had asked for this because she feared that if it had been during Al Hajj vacation it would have interfered with her studies for her final exams. She had always wanted to get good grades. Her decision upset Waleed, who was anxious to have the wedding as soon as possible, so she decided to make it up to him. One night she wore the transparent black gown he had bought for her (at the time she refused to try it on in front of him), and invited him over without the knowledge of her father, who was out camping with friends in the desert.

Not the red roses scattered on the sofa, nor the candles here and there, nor even the soft music coming from the hidden stereo were able to catch Waleed’s attention as much as the black gown that revealed more of her body than it concealed. And since Sadeem had vowed to please her Waleed that night, she allowed him to go over the line with her to erase any grudges he might still hold about the wedding being delayed. She did not try to stop him as she always had whenever he went beyond the limits she had set since the early milkah days. But now she was convinced that he wouldn’t be completely satisfied unless she presented him with more of her “femininity”, and she wouldn’t mind that at all. Anything to please Waleed, her love. For his sake she would exceed all limits.

Waleed left after fajer athan as always, but this time he seemed distressed and troubled. She thought he must have been feeling as nervous as she was after what had happened. She waited for his usual call when he reached his house, especially since she needed to talk to him and feel his tenderness after a night like this, but he didn’t call. Sadeem didn’t allow herself to call him and waited till the next day, but he didn’t call then either. As difficult as it was for her, she decided to give him a few days to calm down before calling him.

Three days passed, but not a word. Sadeem decided to drop her resolve and called, only to find his mobile phone was switched off. She tried calling again throughout the week at different times, desperate to reach him, but his phone remained switched off, and his room number was always engaged. What’s going on? She wondered. Has something bad happened to him? Is he still angry, even after all her efforts to please him? What about all she gave him that night? Did she make a mistake by surrendering herself to him before the wedding? Oh no! Had Waleed gone mad? Could that possibly be the reason behind him avoiding her since that day? But why? Wasn’t he officially her husband from the milkah? Or does getting married mean the ballroom, the guests, the singer and dinner? What is marriage? And did she deserve to be punished for what she did? Wasn’t he the one who started? Wasn’t he the stronger side? Why did he force her to commit the sin then walk out on her? Which one of them was the sinner? And was what happened a sin to start with? Was he testing her? And if she did fail that test, would that imply that she didn’t deserve him? He must’ve thought she was an easy girl. What stupidity! Isn’t she his wife, and does he not have a right to her? Didn’t she stamp her fingerprint that day in the huge book beside his signature? Weren’t there agreements, witnesses and an announcement? Or did all that mean nothing and she wasn’t legally his wife without the wedding party?

No one had ever told her any of these things before. Is Waleed going to make her pay for her ignorance? If only her mother were alive, she would’ve warned her and directed her, then none of this would have happened. Besides, she had heard a lot of stories about girls who had done what she did with Waleed and more during the milkah period and before the wedding! She even knew about cases where the brides had had babies just seven months after the wedding! And only the people who follow such details notice them, so where had she gone wrong?

Who would help her draw the thin line between what she should and shouldn’t do? And is that line the same in our religion as it is in the mind of a young Nadji man? Waleed would always blame her whenever she tried warding him off by saying that she was his wife according to the religion of God and his prophet, but her aunt and Um Nuwayyer always warned her about getting carried away with him because she was only his fiancee! So whom should she believe? Who would explain to her the Saudi man’s psychology so that she would be able to understand? Did Waleed think she was an “experienced” woman?!! Would he have preferred it if she prevented him? She hadn’t done more than respond to him in the same way she saw couples on TV do or would hear from her married or experienced friends, and he did the rest! So what’s her fault if all she did was play along and naturally knew how to deal with him under the circumstances? It did not require rocket science! So what is all this catastrophic stupidity and idiotic thinking that is taking over Waleed’s mind?

She phoned his mother but was told that she was sleeping. She left her name with the housemaid and asked her to inform her mistress she had called, but there was no response. Should she tell her family? Should she tell her father what happened that bloody night? How will she tell him? And what would she say? And if she managed to keep it a secret, would she be able to do so till the wedding? But what would people say then? The groom bailed out?! No! Waleed couldn’t stoop to such cruelty! He must be in a coma in hospital somewhere. Him being in a hospital was a thousand times more bearable than him avoiding her!

Sadeem was afloat in her confusion, waiting for a word or a visit from Waleed, dreaming he would come to her, begging forgiveness. But he didn’t come and he didn’t call. Her father asked her what was wrong but she refused to answer.

And then the answer came from Waleed: divorce papers! Sadeem’s father tried all he could to find out what lay behind this miserable surprise, but she collapsed in his arms and exploded into tears without confessing anything. He angrily went to Waleed’s father, who said he was surprised and did not know what had happened. All that Waleed had said was that he had developed some uneasiness towards his bride so he preferred calling everything off now rather than waiting until the wedding party.

Sadeem kept her secret and licked her wounds silently until the next shock came: she had failed her exams in more than half of her subjects.

Edited extract from “The Girls of Riyadh” by Rajaa al-Sanie.

GLOSSARY

Nadji: a person from Najd, the central region of Saudi Arabia known for being very conservative

Elro’yah elshariya: Men are allowed to see women only once before marriage to decide whether they want to marry them

Eid Al Fitr: The holiday that falls at the end of Ramadan

Milkah: The signing of official marriage documents

Milkah period: The time between the official marriage-signing and the wedding. According to Islamic and Saudi state law, the couple are officially husband and wife, but tradition forbids them practising their rights until after the wedding

Sheikh: Religious official

Al Hajj: A pilgrimage to Mecca during the month of Dhu’l Hijja

Athan: The call to prayer

Fajer athan: The first of the five prayers, paired with dawn

Isha: The last of the five prayers, paired with nightfall