Dear Economist,
A friend of mine is absurdly late whenever we arrange to meet. I find it infuriatingly rude. Can you suggest a cure?
Yours,
Beatrice, London

Dear Beatrice,

I think the problem is not rudeness so much as a mismatch of expectations. The economists Kaushik Basu and Jorgen Weibull argue that punctuality is not a unique equilibrium.

If I expect you to be half an hour late, then I should also be half an hour late. If I expect you to be punctual, then I should be punctual.

Either combination can be an equilibrium, meaning that neither of us wants to act differently, given the other person’s actions. What is not an equilibrium, of course, is for your friend always to be late and you always to be on time.

In this sort of situation it’s tempting to try to get your friend to shift to the punctuality equilibrium. (In 2003, the entire country of Ecuador was urged to do this by an impassioned campaign.) But it might make more sense for you to shift to the tardy one. After all, you have a clear view of the problem: you know exactly how late your friend is likely to be. Your friend, on the other hand, has no way of knowing how punctual you were; all she knows is that you are always there first. You seem like the buttoned-up type who would be too polite to protest.

Therefore I suggest that if you plan to show up at eight, tell her to show up at seven. More importantly, meet at a convenient place – somewhere where you can sit down, read, make phone calls or just think. Get this right, and you might end up enjoying the waiting more than the arrival.

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