In this hottest of election weeks, we find ourselves taking the temperature in the true-blue constituency of Henley-on-Thames. This is a target seat. The traditionally conservative voters of this elegant Thameside town are being wooed hard by the modernisers - a party which, since 1994, has been rampaging through middle England making substantial gains in the Tory heartland.
You may have worked out that I'm not talking about politics. The local Henley MP, Boris Johnson, has, like his predecessor Michael Heseltine, entertaining hair, a profitable media career and an unassailable majority. He's safe. It would take the entire Spectator staff to be caught in flagrante with asylum-seeking Romany Sinn Féin supporters - or, worse, Lib Dems - to shake the pure faith of the Tory vote hereabouts.
The challenging party in Henley is the Hotel du Vin chain, which has just opened a new HQ there. In 1994, Tony Blair acceded to the throne of New Labour. At the same time, Robin Hutson and Gérard Basset defected from the grand Hampshire hotel Chewton Glen (most regular customer: Heath, Sir Edward, Cons.) to set up their first venture. Bristol, Birmingham and Brighton soon fell. But their most spectacular successes were in middle-class heartlands such as Winchester, Tunbridge Wells and Harrogate.
These are towns where the traditional gastro-hospitality hierarchy had been unchallenged for centuries: plebs in the pubs, burghers in the Bernis, toffs in the top nosheries. Hotel du Vin created an egalitarian smart-but-dressed-down space; steadfastly English with enough European café culture flourishes to pull in the young crowd without alienating the core voter.
Hutson and Basset stood down having sold out to another reforming hotel group, the Malmaison. Henley is the founders' last hurrah and the spin doctors say it's their best effort yet.
So let's roll in and have a look. As soon as you set leather sole on bare floorboard it's clear that the firm principles on which the chain was built have not been abandoned. If Hotel du Vin published a pledge card it would say the following. We will take a fine old building and restore it (they have: the former Brakspear's brewery). We will put in a lively bistro for locals and residents and a cigar and champagne lounge (they have). There will be exposed brickwork and sisal carpeting (tick). Whatever the size of room or expense account, every resident will be entitled to a huge showerhead in the bathroom, nice toiletries and fresh food at breakfast (pledge met). And we will do excellent booze at decent prices (they do).
My room is what for H du V qualifies as the presidential suite: Dom Perignon. One newspaper asked: "Is this the sexiest hotel room in Britain"? It might be, but by the time you've got up three flights of steep stairs to the bedroom it's the calf muscles that have had the workout, not the libido. And the aesthetic senses. Henley, an attractive enough joint at ground level, is sublime up here in the treetops: 18th century cottages, more warm red roofs than Tuscany, wisps of smoke from the chimney and mist from the river.
Hutson now advises the most significant hotel radicals of recent years, Babington House, and has picked up a few tips. The bed has a Babingtonian luxuriance: a huge chunk of wood supporting two W mattresses - you could sail to Marlow on it. The shower could accommodate a rowing eight.
Dinner is the real political test, however. Will Boris's voters be seduced by fennel ceviches and braised endives? Or will they cling, with a John Major-like nostalgia, to the peas and overcooked meat of good old England?
I do a quick blazer count: three, each accompanied by a smart Jaegerish ensemble. That seems a pretty good catch on a boisterous Friday night with the office lot living it up in their Next.
The blazers look a mite uncomfortable, like Tory defectors at their first Labour conference. But it's clear that Hotel du Vin has again got its demographic profiling spot on. I don't know if Boris has squared his elbows and had a good feed here yet. But if the clear water between his boat and the Labour crew in front doesn't close, he and his party are going to have a lot of thinking to do after the election. And if they are looking for a good example of how to modernise without losing your core vote - it's right on his doorstep.
