Financial Times FT.com

Dear Economist: Is the credit crunch suitable for children?

By Tim Harford

Published: December 12 2008 20:23 | Last updated: December 12 2008 20:23

Dear Economist,
My young son came home from school and asked me: “Mummy, what’s a credit crunch?” How can I explain this to a five-year-old?
Ms LG, London

Dear Ms LG,

Once upon a time, there was a blameless girl called Consumerella, who didn’t have enough money to buy all the lovely things she wanted. She went to her Fairy Godmother, who called a man called Rumpelstiltskin who lived on Wall Street and claimed to be able to spin straw into gold. Rumpelstiltskin sent the Fairy Godmother the recipe for this magic spell. It was written in tiny, tiny writing, so she did not read it but hoped the Sorcerers’ Exchange Commission had checked it.

The Fairy Godmother carried away armfuls of glistening straw-derivative at a bargain price. Emboldened by the deal, she lent Consumerella – who had a big party to go to – 125 per cent of the money she needed. Consumerella bought a bling-bedizened gown, a palace and a Mercedes – and spent the rest on champagne. The first payment was due at midnight.

At midnight, Consumerella missed the first payment on her loan. (The result of overindulgence, although some blamed the pronouncements of the Toastmaster, a man called Peston.) Consumerella’s credit rating turned into a pumpkin and Rumpelstiltskin’s spell was broken. He and the Fairy Godmother discovered that their vaults were not full of gold, but ordinary straw.

All seemed lost until Santa Claus and his helpers, men with implausible fairy-tale names such as Darling and Bernanke, began handing out presents. It was only in January that Consumerella’s credit card statement arrived and she discovered that Santa Claus had paid for the gifts by taking out a loan in her name. They all lived miserably ever after. The End.

Questions to economist@ft.com

More from this columnist

Dear Economist: I love Walmart: my wife hates it. Help!

It’s not just Scrooge who wants Christmas abolished

Dear Economist: How can I be fair to my grandchildren?

Given the choice, how much choice would you like?

Dear Economist: Why a ‘pointless’ tax cut really counted

How a celebrity chef turned into a social scientist

Why feedback can be just so much noise

Dear Economist: Why don’t all waiters get their just desserts?

Want to help? Then make life harder for the aid agencies

Dear Economist: Loving and losing – is the cost too high?

Dear Economist: Fine wine or finer feelings?