Two statements can be made with absolute certainty about the present government's long-threatened compulsory identity card. One, it will cost billions of our hard-earned. Two, it will not make one resident of these islands happier, richer or safer than they are at the time of writing. Despite these self-evident truths, it is bafflingly possible to encounter British adults who believe that the scheme represents a smarter use of public money than, for example, setting fire to it.

Such persons should acquaint themselves with the travails of Jade Jacob-Brooks. Jacob-Brooks, of Harlow, Essex, does not, so far as our officialdom is concerned, exist. Due to an annoying but standard bureaucratic mishap, her birth during a Spanish holiday 16 years ago was never properly certified. Jacob-Brooks is therefore unable to acquire a passport, a driving licence or a job. The Home Office's solution is to suggest that she cough up the £750 charge for a UK citizenship test.