The bank of butler

I would imagine that, having become one of the world’s richest men by convincing billions that computer software needn’t necessarily work all of the time, William Henry Gates III still had to get his hands dirty rebooting his Windows smartphone or tablet PC.

But part of me also wonders whether, after years of encountering the “blue screen of death”, he has not been tempted to drag My Computer into the recycle bin, quite literally, and pay someone else to do the job. After all, turtle-necked tech tycoons aside, one of the hallmarks of affluence has always been not having to be too hands-on with new-fangled instruments of communication.

Telegrams to Bertram Wooster Esq were, if my recollection of P.G. Wodehouse serves, received at the door, opened, possibly ironed, carried into his presence, read aloud with solemnity, and replied to after much editing by his valet, Jeeves.

Telephones were always answered by staff, in descending order of hierarchy, according to Emily Post’s definitive guide to modern etiquette of 1922.

Even in the early years of the 21st century, I heard of one television mogul who would insist on having his secretary print all his e-mails on single sheets of A4, on which he would annotate replies in fountain pen, for collection, typing-up and sending on a computer hidden from view in a separate room.

All of which might explain the findings of a new report into the websites of private banks. Compiled by MyPrivateBanking – a Swiss networking platform for wealth managers and their clients – it finds that most private banks “still believe more in the power of marble halls and exclusive events, and regard online channels as merely ‘nice to have’ and a playground for gilded youth”.

Of 40 global private banking groups surveyed, fewer than half “have mastered the basic requirements for a private banking website”, claims the report. Steffen Binder, research director at MyPrivateBanking, says: “Many banks love to show flashy presentations of the bank’s venerable past. However, they avoid displaying critically important information such as fees and portfolio performance.” Only a third of the websites offer even basic information on fees and costs, and fewer than 10 per cent disclose performance data for standard portfolios.

Among the many shortcomings are “user-unfriendly navigation and structure” – with only a third of private bank websites achieving what MyPrivateBanking considered “a decent standard of usability”. It is almost as if they hired the Microsoft Vista design team as consultants.

Either that, or they read too much into Emily Post’s prescriptions and assumed that the wealthy retain a distrust of keyboards – and a trusty retainer. There is certainly no shortage of telephone numbers for one’s butler to ring. “The contact section is the strong point of most private banking websites,” claims the report. “Nine out of 10 websites offer various means of contacts, which the user can find easily. However, in spite of the fast-growing importance of social networks such as Facebook and Twitter, the integration of them on these websites is still very weak.”

But do private banks focused on emerging economies – where most of the world’s mobile devices now originate – also adopt such an old-fashioned view? Many, it seems, are worse than their western counterparts.

DBS Bank operates in Hong Kong, China, Taiwan, India, Indonesia, Thailand and Malaysia – but its website does not even make the MyPrivateBanking top 10. Nor do the websites of Kotak Mahindra, one of India’s largest banks; Banco Bilbao Vizcaya Argentaria, which also serves wealthy Chinese, Turks and Mexicans; Itaú Private Bank, operating in Brazil, Chile, Paraguay and Uruguay; and Erste, whose strategy is to serve the growing markets of central and eastern Europe.

Not even established banks with strong emerging-market footholds – such as Santander in Latin America and Standard Chartered in Asia – make the top quartile for web functionality. MyPrivateBanking gives its Best Private Banking Website award to UBS for a second year running, with Merrill Lynch and Deutsche Bank joint runners-up.

Given the power and functionality of mobile handsets and tablet devices these days, “the slow adaptation to the new online realities is all the more surprising,” concludes the report. But not as surprising as my PC getting to the end of this column witho-pffftttttt