Nutrition is not a subject I have ever studied. I didn’t do biology O-level, so I have not even the smallest grasp of the nutritional properties of plants and seeds, let alone animals. I am better at food labelling, having done a course at university with “agriculture” and “food” in its title. But even there, no one taught me to know much about what I was eating.

However, even I can work out that I had one of my worst eating days ever last week. As I explained to Holly the Sadist when I went to the gym a few days later, I need to examine how and why I came to eat fried bread, cream cakes and white chocolate on the same day. HTS paled visibly. She is getting married this summer (after the longest engagement you can imagine), and is determined to arrive at her wedding even more slender than she already is, so every morsel is calorie-counted. She could not believe I could eat such junk.